At some point, most couples who have kids will enter a new phase of their relationship: the empty nest. It’s the time when all the children have left home to live on their own. A rite of passage in its own right, an empty nest comes with the challenge of rediscovering your partner outside the framework of parenthood, and this includes rediscovering your sex life. You may think that now that you have the whole house to yourself again and more free time on your hands, you can replicate the amazing sex you had when you were younger… well, you can, but it may require more effort.
Adjusting to your new situation may be tough, but don’t rush into despair. Redefining your relationship and reigniting your passion can be an amazing adventure. The tips below will get you started.
5 tips for having great sex, again
Act like strangers. Getting to know each other again can be a very stimulating experience. Isn’t it exciting to discover new sides to a person who you’ve known for decades? Or better yet, to get smitten by that amazing smile or sense of humor that captured your heart years ago when you first met? A recent study at the University of British Columbia found that long-time couples can give their love life a boost by acting like strangers on a first date.
Make yourself comfortable. Yes, your bodies are different now, along with your endurance, stamina, strength, and flexibility. Those crazy acrobatic moves you could do in bed before you became parents may no longer be realistic. Even some standard positions may be taxing on your pulled muscles or aching joints. The great thing about sex is that there are no set rules on how you should do it. If you can’t have it one way, try another way. Who said experimentation is all about the kinky stuff? Accommodating your bad back has never been more satisfying!
Look on the bright side. Okay, it’s true, sex in your 60s is not the same as sex in your 20s, but that shouldn’t take away the joy of it. Instead of regretting the fact that you can’t pull an all-nighter like you used to, focus on what you’ve gained along the way: you know each other’s bodies much better, you have your go-to moves that work every single time, and now that you’ve been together for such a long time, you may feel less inhibited, allowing for more adventure.
Heat things up. Age may take a toll on libido, but experts observe an improved sex drive in couples who successfully transition into their empty nest phase. Tap into your libido by discussing your secret fantasies or even watching an erotic film together. Now that the kids are away, you don’t need to constantly monitor what time it is, when they are coming home, and whether or not they can hear you. Even beyond the bedroom, a sincere compliment or a caressing touch when you pass them by can be great foreplay.
Get a life. Now that you have more time for yourself, it’s the perfect opportunity to dust off that old bucket list and start crossing things off. Learn a new language or how to play an instrument, join a community group, make local getaways your new weekend tradition… A satisfying life outside the bedroom will set the stage for a satisfying sex life too.
As you can see, getting old doesn’t mean that the fun is over—quite the contrary. As you watch your kids turn into adults and leave the home, take joy in knowing that another adventure is at your doorstep—just make sure to let it in.
Related: 5 ways to improve bedroom performance after 50